It’s the middle of April 2007. In the last two years I’ve had my thumb broken, my heart broken, my marriage broken, and my bank broken (that was today’s pleasant surprise, if you think of the most terrific antonym of “pleasant”).

So I’m just going to sit here in lala land (a place you can get to by way of the Ativan train). It’s a lovely place to visit.

I didn’t and don’t want to make a huge deal about what has happened between Eric and me. It’s a private matter. The short version is that we both decided things were not working the way we’d hoped they would and neither of us was happy.

We are now divorced. Still talking to each other. Still care about each other. But not married to each other.

That’s it, really. The big news I’ve been holding onto for the past few months, wondering whether I should let it seep out slowly or just blurt it out. I opted for blurting. It feels good. Everyone’s stunned just the same as if I’d said it slowly.

The truth is, I don’t want to get into details. I don’t want to gossip. I refuse to speak badly of Eric. I still care about him very much. That’s never going to change. Both of us have had some rough times in the past few years. I hope anyone who knows us will extend their concern and prayers (if you do that sort of thing) to both of us.

Here I am living in my parents’ house, biding my time until they’ve had enough of my company (I believe that’s scheduled for July 1). In the meantime, I’ve started taking a course to become a Certified Fitness Trainer. I’ve tried to keep my head financially above water (and I would have done it much better if it wasn’t for those meddling taxmen!).

That’s the news. That’s everything. Well, not everything, but the main parts. I’m hoping to become more active in something soon. Probably fitness stuff. I’m become amazed at how much difference you can make in your health, your mind, your appearance, and your self-esteem simply by sticking to a decent exercise and diet routine. I’m like a new person.

Oh — and I discovered last weekend that I’m actually 5′ 2″ tall, not 5′ 1″ as I’d thought for the last 20 or so years.

Mary

I’m about to plunk down a few bucks to take a course which will transform me into a certified personal trainer. No kidding. Thus, I figured now is as good a time as any to start reviewing my eating habits.

One bad habit I’ve had since high school (and I’m not saying how long that’s been) is that I use Sweet-N-Low in my coffee in the morning. I never considered it a problem. And it probably isn’t, but I thought I’d give a healthier alternative a try. So I bought some Stevia packets at Trader Joe’s. It’s a bit like sugar, flavor-wise. Not bad. I don’t love it, but I can get used to it. I think if you use sugar, it’s probably easy to make the switch to Stevia, because the taste is really that similar.

One minor change, but it’s a step in a healthier direction. Anyone can start with something that simple and be successful. Then success breeds success. That’s the theory, anyway.

Another diet thing I did was to try egg protein powder. Now, I don’t know if it’s the brand or that flavor (chocolate) or just egg protein powders in general, but … yuck! I’m glad I spent only $11.00 on it. But I’m frugal to a fault sometimes, so I’m going to keep trying to stomach the stuff. This morning I tried mixing it with vanilla yogurt. Not a good idea. I managed to choke it down, but it was unpleasant.

This afternoon I tried a different tack. I mixed half a scoop of the egg protein powder with a half a scoop of Designer Whey (chocolate), some water, a couple of splashes of half and half, and some natural peanut butter (Trader Joe’s brand is yummy and cheap!). Then, for good measure, I tossed in another little bit of the Designer Whey. I put all of this in the blender. The result? Not very thick, but extremely palatable. Peanut butter can cover up almost any bad taste.

I really like the idea of egg protein. It’s a good protein. Since I’m tiny, I need to make sure whatever calories I take in have the nutrients I need. When I’m lifting heavy, I need to get some amount of protein from “easy” sources, instead of whole foods or I end up overeating. Having learned my lesson, however, I plan on doing some research before I try a different brand or flavor of egg protein. In the meantime, I’ve found a new post-workout shake.

The point is that you don’t have to make sweeping changes all at once to start on the road to better health. In fact, you’re much more likely to stay healthy and continue your good habits if you add them into your life gradually. Because we are talking about changing your life — not just limiting your calories and jumping around like a nutcase for a few weeks.

Eventually I’ll post about some of the supplements I’ve added to my diet. Vitamins, minerals, herbs — stuff like that.

Mary

I’ve just registered a few domain names so I can start up a women’s health- and fitness-related website. I’ll post the domain names once there’s something up on them. In the meantime, I’ll recommend that you get a copy of this book from Amazon:

Jeremy tells an amazing story and provides excellent information about adopting a healthy lifestyle. Just take a look at the cover!

While I’m on the topic of transformations … Here’s another book you’ll want to get your hands on:

Another great story and helpful guide to getting the most out of life.

–Mary

I’m in a book club. Yesterday we got onto the topic of personality tests. One of the ladies brought up the Myers-Briggs test. Today I got a link from another one of the ladies and took one of the tests.

This is from the web site:

Jung Test Results

Extroverted (E) 52.63% Introverted (I) 47.37%
Intuitive (N) 55.26% Sensing (S) 44.74%
Feeling (F) 58.33% Thinking (T) 41.67%
Perceiving (P) 58.62% Judging (J) 41.38%

Your type is: ENFP

ENFP - “Journalist”. Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

ENFP

outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking, good at getting people to have fun, pleasure seeking, irresponsible, physically affectionate, risk taker, thrill seeker, likely to have or want a tattoo, adventurous, unprepared, attention seeking, hyperactive, irrational, loves crowds, rule breaker, prone to losing things, seductive, easily distracted, open, revealing, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, attracted to strange things, non punctual, likes to stand out, likes to try new things, fun seeker, unconventional, energetic, impulsive, empathetic, dangerous, loving, attachment prone, prone to fantasy

favored careers:

performer, actor, entertainer, songwriter, musician, filmmaker, comedian, radio broadcaster/dj, some job related to theater/drama, poet, music journalist, work in fashion industry, singer, movie producer, playwright, bartender, comic book author, work in television, dancer, artist, record store owner, model, freelance artist, teacher (art, drama, music), writer, painter, massage therapist, costume designer, choreographer, make up artist

disfavored careers:

data analyst, scientist, researcher, financial advisor, business analyst, govt employee, office manager, mathematician, investment banker, office worker, computer tech, it professional, network engineer, strategist

Interesting stuff, I think. Here’s a link if you want to take one of these tests:

BTW - The book we just read is this:

I enjoyed it. Very enlightening.

–Mary

I finally broke down and bought a new humidifier today. It’s nothing spectacular. Actually, it was the cheapest one at Wal-Mart. Now it’s running, humidifying.

What happened was that I had been having a scratchy throat. At first I thought it was a cold. But it got better and worse on various days. That was when I realized the heat had been on in the house and that the air was probably dry. The other thing I noticed was that I was having some difficulty breathing from time to time. Dry air can exacerbate asthma, among other things. It can also make the inside of your nose dry (ouch!) and your skin itchy. Your hair can get brittle (oh, yes!) and your scalp can get dry and itchy.

The other thing with the heat being on is that, at the start of the heating season, it seems to kick up a lot of dust. Maybe a better way to describe it is burning off dust. That’s what was really bothering my asthma a couple of weeks ago. The dry air itself isn’t good for people with asthma either. If you find that your asthma seems to act up a bit at this time of year, you might consider getting a humidifier to see if it helps to have moisture in the air.

So now I have a humidifier and it’s whirring away, putting moisture into the air. I’d say it was worth the $20.

Unfortunately, my throat is scratchier than ever. Now I think I really do have a cold, thanks to a couple of sniffling nieces and nephews who were visiting for Thanksgiving.

It figures.

–Mary

The end of 2005 was quite a ride.

I had surgery on my hand the day before Thanksgiving. That in itself was an ordeal on many levels. The last I wrote about it, I was going for a surgical consult. First I learned that it was my thumb, not my wrist that was broken. The break was in two places at the base of my thumb, right at the joint. It was a bad break.

The consult was fine and I had some preadmission testing. The problem arose when I needed a surgical release from my primary-care physician. Everything was going fine and then he said, “I can’t give you clearance because you have asthma. You need to see a pulmonologist.” WHAT?! I was supposed to have the surgery the next day (two days before Thanksgiving). It wouldn’t have been that big a deal, but when you’re dealing with broken bones like this you only have a certain amount of time to properly set the bone before it starts healing the wrong way. The pulmonologist wild-card threw a wrench in the whole process.

My doctor tried to get a pulmonologist to see me that day, but was unsuccessful. Meanwhile, the surgeon was calling me saying they needed the clearance. I explained the situation. The surgeon called it “overkill.” My asthma is under control and I haven’t had a severe attack in a couple of years. In fact, since I’ve had this particular PCP I hadn’t had any problems with asthma at all. I’ve never been hospitalized (I’ve been to the ER and released) nor intubated for asthma.

At that point I was stressed beyond belief and angry. I tried to give my doc the benefit of the doubt. No one can fault the man for being too cautious. But when my brother — an internist — said seeing a pulmonologist was “crazy” and that he’d never required clearance from a pulmonologist for any of his patients with asthma — even those with severe asthma — I was livid. I talked to my doc and told him that he realized that because he wanted me to see a pulmonologist it would mean that I would not have my hand surgery done within the amount of time necessary to achieve the best outcome. He understood. I told him that this requirement could mean the difference between having a closed reduction (where they manipulate the bones without actual “surgery” — i.e., an incision) and an open reduction (where they put you under general anaesthesia and cut into your hand). He understood.

Fortunately, the surgeon understood, too. Although she didn’t end up actually doing the surgery, she spent a lot of time and energy to get things arranged so I could get my surgery done before Thanksgiving — and within the preferred amount of time. Without going into too much detail, I ended up at the ER and they had to admit me to do the surgery.

The surgery was successful, but they had to do an open reduction. I went under general anaesthesia. I came out fine.

I never saw a pulmonologist.

The problem with general anaesthesia is that it makes you nauseated. I woke up in pain and feeling sick. They gave me compozine for the nausea. It helped. They gave me morphine for the pain. That didn’t really help the pain, but it knocked me out. It also made me nauseated. So they gave me more compozine. With feeling less nauseated, I noticed the pain. They gave me more morphine.

By this time, I’d been in recovery for a couple of hours. I was zonked and nauseated and my hand hurt. But I decided it was time to move on. They took me back to my room where I tried to stop being dizzy and nauseated. I wanted to go home. Thanksgiving was the next day. In retrospect, I should have gone to sleep and gotten discharged on Thanksgiving (if I’d have been lucky enough to get a doc to discharge me on Thanksgiving!). But I soldiered on and got released.

I nearly puked on my way to the exit. Eric got me to the car and we went in search of a pharmacy to fill my painkiller prescription. We found one (24-hour Walgreen’s rock!). I got my Vicodin and we picked up some Emetrol for my intense nausea. Of course, I couldn’t take the Vicodin because that can make you nauseated. I went to bed.

When I woke up at about 4 in the morning, I wasn’t nauseated. So I ate some of a corn muffin, took half a Vicodin and went back to sleep.

Finally, I woke up mid-morning and I wasn’t sick, but my hand hurt like hell. It was the surgical incision that hurt more than anything. I had surgery when I was a kid. Heart surgery. I don’t remember this much pain. But I figured out that hands have a lot more nerve endings and that’s probably why it hurt so much.

But that’s not the end. Oh no!

I kept thinking that my cast was too tight. It felt tight. But I didn’t know it was too tight, I thought it was just me. My friend Melissa came out to visit (and bring me an incredibly delicious chocolate cheesecake that she made herself!) on Saturday. She took one look at my cast and said, “That’s too tight.” She ended up taking me to the ER to have it fixed. The fixing ended up being cutting a slit down the cast. Well, it wasn’t actually a cast. I should clarify. It was a plaster splint wrapped in gauze. So the bottom of the “cast” was like a cast, but the top was soft. The ER doc cut the top part.

A few days later they gave me a new splint/cast. Here I’ll take a moment to say that the docs at the Nassau University Medical Center Hand Clinic are great. My surgeon — Dr. Troy Callahan — is wonderful. He takes time to explain what’s going on and he explains things clearly. He’s knowledgeable, genuinely concerned, and down-to-earth (sometimes surgeons can leave a bit to be desired in the personality area). I like him.

I was originally supposed to have my pins removed before Christmas. But an x-ray and some discussion led them to stay in until January third. Six weeks with pins. Eight weeks with an immobile hand. I was amazed at how little I could do once the pins were out. Right now I’m in occupational therapy. My thumb is still swollen, though it does get better during some parts of the day. I do not have full range of motion and I might not ever have it. It hurts much of the time. The tendon along the back of my thumb is shortened, so I can’t bend my thumb all the way. I can’t bend the top joint on my thumb all the way either. The muscle at the base of my thumb on the palm is atrophed, which makes it crap up when I do my hand exercises. My grip strength is at 40lbs. About half what it should be.

This is not fun. I strongly recommend you not ever break a bone in your hand. Ever.

Oh, and did I mention this is my right hand? I’m right-handed.

If you’re interested in looking at pictures of the smashed-up car and of my hand (Warning: there are graphic pictures of pins in my hand at the bottom of the page I’m linking to, but there is a big red bar before you get to them), go here:

Accident Photos

I’ll add more of my fun story later.

Mary

I’m typing with only my left hand.

I’m all right, but my right wrist is broken (yeah, I’m a righty). An idiot !#$@% cab driver blew a red light, and I more or less broadsided him (got his front passenger side). The cop says, despite the BS story the cabbie gave him, it wasn’t my fault — I had a green light and I’ve got witnesses to corroborate my version (and the diagram of the accident also shows that the cab driver was lying about where he was coming from). Eric is no help because he was reading and only looked up to see the cab in front of us just before impact.

The Lincoln is toast (I was going about 45 mph when I hit him — hard impact, air bags deployed, radiator damaged). But I’m glad I was driving a tank like that. Eric has a cracked rib and my wrist is broken. The worse news is that it’s a bad break and I need to have surgery so they can put in pins or plates — or both. I’ll be in a cast for four weeks after the surgery.

Today I’m sore all over from the crash. But I take some comfort in knowing mine was the worst injury (a total of 4 cars were involved) and that the behemoth Lincoln saved Eric and me from far worse injury.

I go for my surgical consult on Tuesday. I’ll try to keep you all posted.

Today my horoscope said this:

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t get depressed about what you can’t change. Today is about communication and clearing up anything that has been bothering you. A change at home will be good for you. 4 stars

I don’t put much stock in horoscopes, but it’s something to read. The interesting thing about this one is that today is the anniversary of my mom’s death (32 years). That’s something I can’t change and something I should not get depressed about. It’s better to remember and celebrate her life than to cry over her death. Especially after all these years. The first thing I’m going to do is go out for a walk. The gray from earlier this morning has burned off and it’s sunny, but cool, outside.

I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now, so I figured I’d try to get it into words.

One of the things I’ve learned is that you can’t approach weight loss as a temporary change. You need to change your lifestyle. You need to change how active you are and what you eat. It has to be a permanent change if you want permanent effects. To that end, I’ve thought of some of the things in my life that are non-negotiable; things I’m not willing to change because my quality of life might not be what I’d like it to be.

I won’t give up half and half in my morning coffee. I have cut down the amount I use, but I’m way too cranky in the morning to not have what I love. I have tried regular milk and light cream, but they just don’t do it for me. The benefits of cutting out my half and half are not greater than the benefits of me being happy in the morning. HOWEVER, I drink only two cups of coffee at the most on any given morning. Usually I just have one big cup and measure out three tablespoons of half and half. (more…)

It’s only 9:30-ish on Wednesday night and I’m ready to go to sleep.

One of my biggest concerns when I have a cold is that it can trigger an asthma attack. The only time in the last few years that I’ve had a bad asthma attack was as a “complication” of a cold. Not even the flu, mind you. Whenever I start coming down with a cold, I monitor my peak flow and I start myself on albuterol every 6 hours. Sometimes (like today, actually) I start on inhaled steroids, too. I’ll go to every 4 hours if every 6 doesn’t do it for me. If I start having problems maintaining a decent peak flow between albuterol puffs, it’s time for the doctor and a course of prednisone (which I hate to take).

The other key in keeping my breathing normal is drinking lots of water. Lots. Water helps to keep chest congestion from getting too thick. (Not a nice thing to talk about, but it’s relevant.) Forget that 8 glasses a day thing — drink much more than that. I also take expectorant (guaifenesin syrup) pretty early on in the cold. That also helps keep things “fluid.” I take the plain Robitussin stuff. No cough suppressant. Just guaifenesin.

Obviously, if you have asthma you need to run all this past your doctor. But this is what I’ve found helps keep me out of the ER with an asthma attack when I have a cold.